I started a Podcast recently, and our season 1 is titled healing from emotional hurts. You might want to consider listening to those sessions because I know you will be blessed. The “are you ready podcast” is on Spotify for your ears.
While I was sharing on emotional healing, the topic of forgiveness came up. I realized how much weight we can carry on ourselves when we don’t forgive. Somebody once said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Believe me whoever said these words pointed out exactly what happens. I know because I have been in a phase of my life where I was so hurt. I want to share my story with you, but whether you relate to my story or not, I want you to grasp the bottom line of forgiveness for your own good, your own success, your own increase!
My husband met a young lady abroad, they went to school together and became good friends. Later on my husband moved back home and this old friend introduced him to her family. He then became the friend of her brother in law. They became very good friends; I will even say they were best friends. They were still very young and not married at the time when my husband got married , and even while we were dating he introduced his best friend to me. He became a family friend. We trusted him as a brother and friend. One day our friend relocated to the USA; we realized we had the same project. In the meantime he had gotten married as well and was traveling without his wife. He knew his best friend, my husband would take good care of his wife. Every month my husband would allocate an amount of money to her. When we relocated here, our friendship continued. We will communicate by phone encouraging one another, praying for one another, and so on!
One day they moved to our neighborhood.
She was pregnant and lost the child. I remember how we went to the hospital because she was bleeding, the doctor did all the tests and found out she had a miscarriage. I was in the hospital that whole night with her, I could not sleep. I remember seeing the daylight coming slowly. I cried and cried, because that was not her first miscarriage. When morning came I had to go home and prepare to go to church. When I went to church all I could do was cry. I could not stop crying, I was hurting so much!
Besides that they were looking for jobs, but it was hard to find. I thought I could take my daughter out of daycare and allow our friend’s wife to make some money by babysitting her. It went well for a little while. One day the Lord showed me something that forced me to put my daughter back at daycare.
This decision caused the lady to stop talking to us; she would not pick up my phone calls or even interact with us. She forced her husband, our friend to separate from us. Our relationship switched completely from friendship to frenemy. That hurt me really bad! After everything I did! I could not figure out what I did wrong. Maybe I said something that hurt her. How could I know. Then I asked the Lord to show me something and he did. I knew at that moment that the relationship was broken completely and only God could repair it.
The errors I made were:
- Entertainment of hurt
- Blaming myself for how much time I wasted in the relationship
- Blaming myself for what I invested in the relationship
- Vowing to not fall into such trap ever again
- Trying to block my mind to not have even a slight thought about her
- Trying to force the relationship by calling her for no reason, just to be disappointed again that she refused to pick up
- Refusing to accept that she did not want to be in the relationship anymore
- Resolving the issue with my own strengths, my own strategies, my own techniques.
The hurt was not going away; every time someone would mention their names, or when I will see their picture, or even remember the location I used to live in, I will feel hurt all over again. It was as if I was captive of my thoughts of a past hurt. I was not doing any effort to get out of it.
One day, I went to our church on a Friday prayer night. As we were praying and worshiping a lady came to me with a Word of knowledge. Ms. Mary said: “Sandrine, why are you holding that lady in your heart. Release her! You are holding her up, you are preventing her from being blessed. Release her, and that which you pray for her shall come to pass!”
These words touched me in my bones! I knew who the Lord was talking to me about. I knew he was referring to our friend’s wife. It was so hard to forgive. I cried and cried. My heart was hurting so bad! I had no words to forgive her. Then with the help of the Lady, while she was praying, insisting that I should forgive. I cried out loud: Lord I cannot forgive, but you can forgive through me. Come and forgive through me!” Then I felt like forgiving, and I forgave! Then I prayed for the lady. I asked God to give her the desire of her heart. I knew what it was! She wanted a baby! I prayed for that specific prayer. Nine months later I heard she had a baby.
I will forever be grateful that the Lord allowed me to have such experience! Today when I think about the story, or the names, or location, or whatever was a trigger, I don’t feel hurt anymore. I can now use my past hurt to help other people create room in their hearts to forgive.
If you read this article to this point, by now you know whether you have forgiven or not! I want to help you if you have not forgiven.
I want to ask you these questions: what is your story? Who are you still holding in your heart? Have you been so hurt or offended by that person that you feel like you don’t want to forgive? I want you to consider these points.
When you do not forgive:
- You hurt yourself
- You put yourself in prison
- You poison yourself
- You hinder a prayer, a miracle, a breakthrough in your life and the life of your offender.
- You stop growing and increasing
How can you hurt yourself and expect to increase? How can you be in prison and increase? Prisons are institutions designed to confine individuals, depriving them of their freedom. You must choose to forgive today if you want to increase.
When you hold on to offense, anger, resentment, or bitterness it has a negative impact on your emotional well-being, as well as your relationships. You know, relationships are a currency! Do not let the lack of forgiveness ruin a relationship of destiny, that aimed at catapulting you to greater heights. Instead aim for forgiveness because of it’s benefits:
- It Promotes Empathy
- It Boosts Christ- esteem
- It Promotes resilience
- It reduces stress
- It strengthens relationships, Just to name a few of its benefits. This means your Increase will be hindered if you choose NOT to FORGIVE.
Make a list of people who hurt you, ask Holy- Spirit to reveal them to you, then pray that you will forgive them for what they did to you! Forgive them, and be free!
If you have forgiven, now you are free to fly to greater heights in every area of your life!
Let the Journey of INCREASE begin in your life.